To say divorces can be tough is a gross understatement. It is a life-altering decision that brings long-lasting changes to almost every aspect of your life.
There is a multitude of decisions you are supposed to make in a divorce that affects you and any children you have for the considerable future, so one can feel quite overwhelmed and scared. However, know that you are not alone in going down this road. Many people before you have gone through divorces, and we can bank on their first-hand experiences for guidance.
We know that it doesn’t matter if you are on your own in this process, there are some things you can do to make it easier to go through a divorce. Here are some helpful tips.
Allowing Yourself Time For Grieving
Grief is your human self’s natural way of processing a loss. It is commonly misunderstood as simple sadness, but in actuality, grief is an intricate emotional process that is characterized by many different feelings and emotional responses as you deal with your loss. For the most part, grief is known to have five stages; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The first stage, denial, is when you are so overwhelmed by what is happening you end up being incapable of processing it. There is a lot of shock, fear, confusion, and general avoidance in this stage. Next comes anger which stems from betrayal, deception, rejection, or being misunderstood, and your anger could be directed to any or all of the following; yourself, your partner, or the situation surrounding your divorce.
After anger, you enter the bargaining stage, where you struggle to make meaning out of what’s happening, and you seek answers and negotiate outcomes. During this time, it is a good idea to seek emotional support from your loved ones. Then comes depression, and it is different in its symptoms and intensity for different people. How people act and respond to depression depends on their personalities, and it is imperative you allow yourself to feel and let out your emotions than repress them.
Finally, comes the acceptance stage, where you come to terms with your divorce and slowly begin the process of recovery.
During this stage, it’s a good idea to start implementing processes that will help you move on. For example, you can consider a new beginning by changing your name. For this, you’ll need to determine whether you can cover the cost of a legal name change. The cost varies from state to state, but if you’re filing for the change in California, you should know that it ranges from $525 (if you do it yourself) to $715 (if you hire name-change specialists to handle the process for you). Although it might seem like a large sum, the freedom you’ll obtain will definitely make it worthwhile.
The grief timeline is different for different people, and it is unrealistic to rush yourself through it; however, if you feel you are still experiencing the emotional ramifications of divorce for a long period of time, you might want to seek professional help.
Getting Organized
Settling a divorce involves making decisions that will chart the course of life for you and your children for a significant part of the future (if not all). Hence, getting organized is pivotal to make negotiations smooth and effectively work for you. You might want to start by chalking out your goals from your divorce. It would be favorable if you choose the most peaceful divorce option, after researching all the possible avenues, instead of going the litigious route to battle it out in court. You might want to consider the kind of legal support you will have, and hiring divorce lawyers is regarded as an important step in the divorce process that will dictate how it works for you. You would want to have competent yet compassionate legal counsel, so make sure you do your homework while looking for an attorney. A good lawyer will also help you get your financial details organized by first guiding you through an extensive process of discovery. You will need to list down your assets, debts, and understanding of all your monthly/annual financial expenses to better prepare you for negotiations.
Taking Charge and Focusing on the Bigger Picture
Divorce is tough and overwhelming; we’ve established that. During the process, one is tempted to want to bury their head in the sand and just want it over. While the instinct is understandable emotionally, acting on it will make you a passive bystander as your divorce proceedings carry through, and you might miss out on the opportunity to reach settlements that work for you. Also, focus on the bigger picture and what priorities are you working to achieve. It can be very easy to get swept away in petty details and wanting to prove yourself in divorce, but you might risk undermining your future. Instead, take control of the decisions and focus on what is most important for you and your children’s future.
The divorce process can be extremely taxing and formidable, especially for those with no prior experience. Luckily, there are some simple steps that can help you gain control over the process, so you get out of it what you need to. Remember to allow yourself to grieve and work through your emotions, get organized (especially financially), and take charge of the process, keeping your eye on the big picture.
